How do you transform a picky eater? First, you have to change their mindset. The mindset has to become I’m capable of learning to like new foods, instead of I’m a picky eater. Once the mindset shift has occurred, thoughts will change.
Your child may start thinking, I don’t really like scrambled eggs, but hardboiled eggs are okay. Once their thoughts about the hated food start changing, their actions change too, scrambled eggs are for breakfast, I’ll try them. Then as they are eating those eggs they’ve consistently rejected they think, huh, these eggs are actually not so bad, I could eat another bite. After experimentation with eggs prepared in different ways, plus a mindset shift, this leads to a change in results. Your child used to avoid scrambled eggs, but now (s)he’s found a way to like them.
This shift in mindset takes place over time. My picky eating recovery took over a decade. That makes sense to me because my picky eating mindset took nearly two decades to cement in my brain. Only it wasn’t really cemented, because in less than a decade I completely reversed it, without a how-to manual. I figured it out for myself because I liked the way I felt when I ate real, nourishing food. As I began to learn that food made in a factory (some of my favorites were Cheetos in the red bag, M&Ms, Mrs Baird’s white bread and Ritz crackers) made me feel gross, I had a strong motivation to kick my food aversions to the curb.
Picky eaters come in all shapes and sizes.
As the granddaughter of a farmer, garden grown vegetables were normal at dinner table, so I ate (most) of them. Yes, you can still be a picky eater, even if you eat a dozen different vegetables. Textures and combinations were the things I was averse to. I hated the dry crumbly mouth-feel of raw carrots and nuts. They made me gag. I didn’t like sauces or anything with sauces on them, including spaghetti! To appease me, my mom served spaghetti like a salad bar: noodles, meat, sauce, Parmesan all in separate bowls. I liked the red sauce, but only a little of it. I needed control to “mix” my own food using my own ratio preferences.
I grew up thinking I didn’t like nuts. False. My favorite food was PB&J sandwich or even better, peanut butter on Ritz crackers (with cheese or bananas, I could eat the whole roll of Ritz). When I think back on it, it doesn’t even make sense. How did my parents believe or convince me that I didn’t like nuts? I just didn’t like raw or whole nuts, but smooth creamy nut butter was yummy.
For texture and combination adverse kids it’s important to distinguish the rejection of the preparation versus the rejection of the ingredient. A raw broccoli hater may love cooked broccoli. I will not eat raw broccoli (read: crumbly mouth-feel.) However, blanch it for one minute, toss it in an ice-bath, and give me a tasty dip like this avocado chevre recipe and I could eat the whole bunch.
Studies show that dietary habits formed in childhood are likely to persist into adulthood. But I’m a good case in point that it’s never too late to overcome picky eating. Of course it’s optimal to form good eating habits in early childhood. Learning from the get-go is a far more elegant solution than unlearning and retraining. We’ve all heard of people who have lost their ability to walk due to an accident and then learn to walk again. Our minds are plastic. Assuming healthy brain function, older children and adults are capable of learning as young children do.
Learning feeding skills is a process not an event.
Just like reading, good eating skills develop over time, with daily practice. Why do our kids learn to read? Because they are read to at an early age, then practice daily at school for years, moving up level by level. Finally as competent readers they maintain their skills by daily practice. Even if you don’t pick up a book every day, you still see signage with language on it that you must read. So it is with food. We fuel our body daily with food. There are ample opportunities to practice good eating skills throughout childhood. Once kids are literate at proper food fueling, they can maintain their daily practice throughout life to maintain wellness.
So picky moms and dads, I challenge you to learn good eating habits right along with your kids. Change your mindset, and help your children change theirs. Think of them as good eaters, call them good eaters, expect them to be good eaters, and they will eventually grow into their new label.
About Jenna
My 2.5 year old son is a pretty good eater, but when he shows resistance to try something, we ask if he’d like to go on a “Flavor Adventure” and make a big deal out of it. It works pretty well.
I love this idea!
positive encouragement is so much more effective than negative. you put your child in a “learning” environment when you frame eating as flavor adventure, that’s why it’s so effective!
I’m so glad to hear of someone else who isn’t picky because of taste but because of texture. I’m the EXACT same way. I’ll eat any cooked veggie you give me (except maybe cabbage), but raw? Heck no! Why is it that I love the crunchiness of chips and croutons but can’t stand raw carrots or lettuce stems? I used to meticulously pick onions out of everything my mom made because I couldn’t stand their “crunch”, even when cooked. I still don’t eat whole raw fruit, but blend it in a smoothie, and I’m a happy camper.
I guess I should add that I’ve come a long way and no longer pick onion out of anything. In fact, I cook with onions almost everyday! But I still don’t eat raw fruits or veggies, except the leaves ONLY of lettuce and spinach!
leeks were my gateway to onions. once i learned i like that “oniony” flavor, the “i hate onions” wall was torn down. now i rarely cook anything without a leek, onion, chive etc.
I started raising my step son when he was 8 years old. He would only eat hotdogs, corn dogs, frozen pizzas, hot pockets, hamburgers and one or two other pasta dishes his dad made.
I on the other hand almost never ever fed my kids stuff like that since I have been a gardener most of my life & was raised on whole foods. It was tough sailing for the first year or two but his sisters & dad happily ate whole foods and I’d find a way to incorporate some flavors with better quality foods. Over time, we were able to convince him to take a bite here & there & lo & behold, he found out he loves real food Im so glad.
Hes a healthy active ball player at 23 now & loves good food.
If fruits or vegetables are the source of pickiness, try planting a garden. Children will be more interested in eating foods they have helped grow or cook. Good suggestions for easy to grow fruits & vegetables with strong child appeal are ‘Sungold’ cherry tomatoes (or any cherry tomato with ‘sugar’, ‘sweet’ or ‘candy’ in the name), snow peas, filet beans, cucumbers, zucchini, strawberries & blueberries. Most can be grown in pots if you don’t have garden space.
this is a pretty upbeat post. one that i agree with, sorta. it doesn’t really take into consideration that some kids with eating issues are that way because of oral sensitivities, sensory issues with textures or smells, strong genetic predisposition to certain flavors (strong, sour, salty, sweet, spicy, bland, etc), or simply because they are alarmed by new things including foods. these kids don’t need to be “transformed.” (and it’s kinda arrogant to think we can transform someone else anyway) they need to be taught how to cope with the way they are, how to deal with stressful food/eating situations, and how to not get into power struggles with adults over what they prefer to eat. i know plenty of adults who have aversions to vegetables, fruits, beans, etc and you don’t see anyone trying to “transform” them. they get to choose what they want to eat each and every day. of course it would be awesome if my husband ate raw veggies, or bowls of fruit or a nice bean stew, but he isn’t going to. at least not if am trying to “transform” him. food preferences aren’t just about family enviroment, i didn’t meet my birth mom until i was 36 years old. we both abhor cilantro. we both adore shrimp. we both eat the same thing for breakfast. we have the same snacks in our cupboards, use a lot of the same brands of foods and have the very same favorite tea…. right down to flavor and brand. that’s genetics baby. no transforming going on there.
andrea – you make a lot of really good points. i will be addressing these in my upcoming books, so stay tuned for a deep dive. if your child struggled to read, would you want him transformed into a great reader? adequate balanced nourishment is fundamental to vibrant health. picky kids (and adults) often don’t get all the nutrients they need, and that is why it’s critical to transform them.
Love the article! I have just switched over to real food a few weeks ago. As I’m trying to get pregnant, I’m trying to eat raw egg yolks that I get directly from the farmer. I tried putting it into a soup but I could taste it and just couldn’t eat it (it’s slimy…). This morning I tried to swallow one down from a shot glass, but that was a fail too. Does anyone have a good suggestion for spilling some raw egg yolks into your food so you can’t feel the texture?
My favorite way to eat raw egg yolk is to simply incorporate it into home-made ice cream. No strange texture or taste. I usually use 3 egg yolks per quart in accordance with Nourishing Traditions, but I’m sure you could add more if you wished. I’ve heard you can blend them into smoothies, but I’ve never tried it. If you are not opposed to eating some cooked whites along with the yolk, poached eggs on toast leave almost all the yolk enzymes intact.
That’s MY favorite way too! We also make a lot of aioli at home too – another great way to eat raw yolks.
Raw eggs – try making a smoothie with milk, vanilla, touch of nutmeg, maybe some yoghurt. Yummy. Could try adding other flavours like chocolate, but might not be so heathy, or fresh strawberries do well. Can also put in a vegetable or fruit juice smoothie.
Put raw eggs into a smoothie with some coconute milk and stevia and fruit. You
won’t even know it’s there.
I don’t really like the texture of raw egg either but I’ve found that I like homemade eggnogg. To make a single serving I use a whole egg per cup of raw milk and mix in a sprinkle of mace, clove and cinnimon. Then I stir in some stevia but you could use sugar instead. I’ve left the sweet out and its still good. I started drinking it because I read that it helps protect your intestines if you accidentally eat something you are sensitive to. It worked for that and its so good I drink it as a treat sometimes. (you could use nutmeg instead of mace)
Jenny,
Fully loved this post. Thanks for touching on it. I use to work at a recreational facility and far to often I would see parents “rewarding” their kids with junk food from the vending machine for good behavior. I could barely contain myself. The habit that instills at such a young age is disheartening to me. We’re not doing an injustice by not giving out kids food like this we are doing them a favor in the long run. Thank you for writing this.
kids’ health would improve greatly if more schools, camps, and child care facilities starting rewarding kids with real nourishing food to provide energy for movement and nutrients for giant deep thinking problem solving brains. when my kids ask me why i won’t buy them gum, candy or toxic factory food, i respond “i love your brain, it is a marvel and I won’t poison it.”
You mean you don’t just jam it in his face?? I’m a bad mama sometimes; my little one is only 1 and he’s so picky! I have to hide his veggies in his eggs or in ground beef for him to eat it. Thanks for the upbeat, positive approach! I’ll remember this for when he’s a little bit older!
he’s already old enough for you to label him a “good eater” and let him grow into the label. just like you know eventually he will learn to read, so will we one day be a good eater capable of feeding himself the foods that will nourish him for vibrant health.
To me, a crumbly mouth feel means “hard to digest.” Also, I suspect that my throat swells up when I eat carrots or nuts, which makes them even more likely to stick in my throat. Sometimes being picky makes sense, as long as you can identify the reason!
excellent point mike! food aversions are often signs that we are not tolerating food well. but is that because the food itself is toxic or because we are not able to digest that food because our digestion is ineffective? it is not necessary for “picky” eaters to learn to tolerate every plant and animal under the sun, but if food restrictions lead to unbalanced diet or over/under supply of nourishment then the pickiness should be addressed.
I was always made to clean my plate, even the things that would make me gag. So I didn’t want to raise my three children like this. So we simply asked them to take a “no thank you” bite. If they didn’t care for it I always offered at least one choice they did like. As time.passed, their tastes matured and they began liking most of their ” no thank yous”. No food or control battles and they are all healthy, balanced eaters today as adults.
Certainly an upbeat article, but as a parent struggling with a neophobic child it is maybe a little TOO glossy for me. Horizontal moves with food — scrambled egg versus hard boiled or blanched broccoli versus raw — are an important tool. One of the things we work on is not using the word(s) “like” or “don’t like” as they are too simplistic a way to talk about food. If we can get our child to try something, we use descriptive words and try to approach it scientifically. We’ve learned some of these techniques working with a very good therapy program, but it is a HUGE struggle. Simple things like cooking for the family, going to a friend’s house for an afternoon BBQ or any restaurant loom on the horizon. This is not garden variety (ha!) “picky.” I often cannot even get this child to try ANY form of food including a different brand. He’s gotten much more flexible on pizza and chicken strips. We once had a one hour meltdown over a pizza that was square instead of round. Seriously. Hysterics. Wailing. Beating of the chest. Point is — even if it is frustrating — one really can’t give up. And it is often excruciating dealing with an extreme picky eater who hasn’t made the decision to change their habits because they want help changing their habits. The one thing I point out ad naseum is the connection between food and how he feels. When he feels tired, cranky and unduly fatigued at 2 in the afternoon and cannot enjoy activities, I start — well, let’s talk about healthy fats and proteins and why eating them instead of ________ (usually a processed cereal type food or crackers) would make your brain feel SO much happier that you could enjoy Legos more. I have to hope that at some point he will want to make changes for himself (he is almost 7). He knows a lot about digestion and nutrition because of all this, but he hasn’t chosen to USE this information, yet!
Take care,
Beth
yeah, in 800 words i can only gloss over the subject. that’s why i’m writing books on the same topic. you are already on the right track with linking what he eats to his play performance. that is meaningful to him in a way that “eat your healthy food” is not. you may not want to let your child “decide” when he’ll eat the right food. you may want to remove all non-nourishing food from the house where the only options he has are nourishing ones. i image that will be a rough transition for your child (and your family) because his brain is not functioning normally. but eventually it will with the right food and detox. my child may choose to stay up late every night, i don’t offer him that choice because i KNOW he needs to sleep between sunset and sunrise.
Having two children on very different ends of the spectrum I have to say I resent the over simplicity of this article! My first son at everything and in large quantities, raw cooked pureed whole …..didn’t matter. I thought my friends kids who were picky eaters just weren’t “doing it right” Weren’t offering healthy choices etc etc…. Then along came my second son who was allergic to everything and didn’t want to eat anything from the start and even if I could get him to try something he would stop after a few bites. He was under wt and it became a huge part of our lives to heal him and get him to eat any food at all. He is still a very selective eater and will eat some days and other days it seems he lives on water only.
I think this article is insulting to those parents who have struggled from the start to raise healthy kids!!!!!! The universe knows I wish it were as easy as this article makes it out to be!!!!!
i’m sorry this article insulted all your efforts, that was not my intent. food aversions and preferences aren’t simple. it’s impossible to do them justice in one article, stay tuned to the book for more details. i relate to your experience. my oldest is an adventurous eater. my youngest had an awesome appetite before I weaned him. between the ages of 15 mo-5yo he was on a slippery slope from good eater to reluctant eater with low appetite. i’d raised them them same, so i scratched my head to figure out the problem. we learned that as he got sicker, his appetite decrease and only very palatable food appealed to him. he rejected dozens of foods he’d eaten as a baby/toddler. now that we have his tummy healed, his asthma reversed, his allergies in the healing process, his appetite is much improved, and he’s eating all those things he already liked as a baby again. raising healthy eaters isn’t easy, especially when that kiddo is sick. it takes daily practice and commitment from loving parents. you are on the right track, just keep your detective skills going no matter how frustrated you get, and you’ll get the problem solved.
I used to pick out all the onions in everything when I was young too. Now I love them and eat them daily. I also have some texture issues..pudding, jello, weirdo squiggly stuff and yet I like yogurt…? The one thing I have always hated and still do is coconut. I so wish I liked it because it is so good for me but I gag at the smell. I wonder if things we absolutely hate to eat are somehow not the right things for our bodies.
This is actually good advice!
Thanks!
I liked this since I’m the picky eater of the family; for various reasons: textures (strawberries, peaches, etc.), smells (celery, peppers, collard greens), veggies making noise (I pick out onions and green peppers too), and raw vs. cooked (I won’t eat cole slaw, but I will eat it cooked in soup or stir-fried). Not to mention NO FUNGI or blue cheese (why is mold and fungus suddenly acceptable in food, but any other place you try to get rid of it? just sayin’.) Fortunately, my son isn’t very picky – he eats more veggies than I do – and since he isn’t overboard like me I let him slide on what he doesn’t like (like he doesn’t like raw tomatoes, but he will eat cooked ones in soup or sauce).
I will say give it time; I like more things now in my 40s than I did as a child. Format makes a difference; Kale chips are wonderful, boiled with no seasonings not so much. I eat vegetables I can’t even identify if they are stir-fried with garlic and ginger (which tends to overpower any strange smells). Get Sneaky Chefs books and hide them; mac and cheese with pureed squash is pretty good ;o)
I have an extremely picky 4 year old, and it breaks my heart. Unfortunately, my partner is also very picky! Which often just leads me to cooking very boring meals to just suit them. My daughter will eat her veggies if they are all separated in stick form, but throw them in a stir fry and we have a meltdown on our hands! Looking forward to hearing some on this topic.
lucy – your situation is very common! stay tuned to the books for a guide to grow good eaters. just as your child will learn to read, so will she become food literate with the right guidance.
I work with children with feeding difficulties in a therapy setting. We have had good success using an approach called the SOS approach by Kay Toomey. This approach focuses on taking very small steps in getting the child to interact with foods on any level (visually, smell, touch, taste, etc) and building forward, using adults as a “teacher”/model without putting pressure on the kiddos to eat the food. I have seen children that would vomit at the smell of novel foods and only ate 5 or 6 things make really good progress with this approach- definitely worth researching and taking a shot!!
I just wanted to make sure everyone knew about this resource 
thanks bee for sharing the SOS approach. it’s important to note that “pickiness” is on a spectrum, not everyone is mild nor extreme. just as the parent of a child is grade levels behind in literacy would get therapy or extra reading training outside the normal classroom setting, so should a child who is limiting tolerated foods to 10 or less. parents don’t intuitively have all the skills to help our kids overcome all their obstacles. in extreme cases seeking the advice of an expert and a coach to help you learn techniques can do wonders for your child’s health and happiness.
This was a good article. I do wish that you would have included, within the article, the very comment that you made here about there being many levels of “picky eating” and many different reasons for it. We must also use the correct terminology for those who treat picky eaters. Speech language pathologists (SLP’s), Occupational Therapists, Nutritionists, GI Physicians and PARENTS (list not all inclusive). As a feeding therapist/SLP with many years of feeding treatment under my belt (and specialized training) we really must make sure that we are adding these important extras when we put information out there. Countless families that I have dealt with over the years would read an article like this, implement the strategies and feel more depresses and helpless because it “didn’t work.” For these families, there is likely a bigger issue and medical cause for the picky eating. I am confident that you will present all of these sides in your book and look forward to having another resource for my families who need it.
*depressed
for parents of extremely picky eaters one article is not enough information to put their child on the right path. i simply couldn’t include all the subject matter expertise in one article, the book will take everyone through the deep dive than an article simply can’t.
Peanuts are a legume, not a nut… But good points!
wout – i knew someone would point that out! i went with the story anyway because the point is not liking a food prep is different than not liking the food period.
I seem to only favor more vegetables and fruits but not so much meat. I only like a few meats but I’m afraid I wont like more. I really want to try steak or ham or anything else meat but I’m just too afraid to try. Is there any solution I could try to get myself to try more meats?
My 3 year old daughter is an extremely picky eater. She will ONLY eat breaded chicken, pop tarts, dry cereal, and anything junk food. 2 months after having her, I started to work, leaving her at home with grama, who gave in to her EVERY desire. My mom had given her whatever she wanted (well, once she was old enough to eat food – not just the formula). My mom molded her mind to the point where she thinks she cant eat anything but chicken and french fries for lunch/dinner and only pop tarts or cereal for breakfast. She used to eat a few things like eggos and pancakes, but that isnt the case anymore. She will strictly NOT try anything new. I’m looking for some help to get her to try new foods because I’m afraid that this may become an issue medically because she’s not getting the proper nutrition she needs. She is very stubborn and will refuse ANYTHING new. She will put a pout on her face, throw the food given, or scream bloody murder.
Can someone PLEASE, give me some suggestions. She’s extremely stubborn!!!